


The Riddles of Penguinia

by Riddlebird-puff (hobbitpuff)



Series: Riddlebird Week 2018 [5]
Category: Batman (1966), Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, M/M, Riddlebird Week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 13:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16064504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hobbitpuff/pseuds/Riddlebird-puff
Summary: Penguin becomes the Emperor of Penguinia - only one problem, he needs to get married. Luckily for him Riddler has a plan.For Riddlebird week: Royalty





	The Riddles of Penguinia

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Batman 66 comic Emperor Penguin but knowledge of comic not needed to understand fic.
> 
> Riddlebird/Nygmobblepot pair based on 66 and Gotham.

The problem with being the Emperor Penguin of Penguinia was the absolute boredom. There was only so much to do on this floating Iceberg Lounge and there was little achievement beating rube tourists at the gambling games. And one could hardly have any stimulating conversation with his Pengoons, they were hardly recruited for their minds after all. 

 

Oswald Cobblepot missed Gotham. And so when Gotham decided to come to him he was not bored for the first time in weeks. He sat in the throne room when his men dragged in the guest. 

 

“My Majesty, we found the Riddler in the decompression chamber.” One of his brute Pengoons shoved the rogue known as the Riddler forward on his knees, the rogue was wearing a wet suit in the style of his usual spandex attire. 

 

“He was taking this off when we found him.” The Pengoonette threw an oversized penguin suit at Oswald’s feet. 

 

“Want me to  _ put ‘em on ice,  _ Penguin?” Mr Freeze lifted his ice cannon and pointed it towards the rogue.

 

“No! Do so and I will have you tossed in the boiler, see how long your icebox lasts then.” Oswald got up with the assistance of his umbrella and stood over Riddler, he pulled his hair to force the rogue to look up at him. “You know the laws Riddler, any rogue found on Penguinia land without the consent of the Emperor will join the iceberg. What are you doing here?” 

 

“A good turn deserves a good deed,” he grinned, blood on his pearly whites. 

 

“You have the nerve to sneak onboard to ask for a favor?” Penguin laughed. “I don’t know what’s bigger, your gall or your balls, Riddler.” 

 

“You could do a body search and find out,” he winked. “But if you want to do a cavity search you’ll have to buy me dinner first.” 

 

Oswald felt himself growing hot despite the cold. Damn the Riddler. The Riddler was known as the biggest flirt among the rogues, even more than the lovely Catwoman. But Oswald could not allow himself to fall to his false charms. The Penguin had his image to protect after all. 

 

“I would stick this,” he held up his lucky trick umbrella, “into your cavity right here and open the shaft if it wasn’t considered bad luck to open an umbrella indoors.” 

 

“Always knew your grumpy exterior hid a kinky side, Cobblepot,” the Riddler giggled. “The games we could play together.” The rogue leaned forward.

 

“No riddles, Riddler,” Oswald pushed him backwards. “Why have you come? You obviously do not have the moneys to buy sanctuary. What are you really after?” 

 

“Every Emperor needs a good advisor at his right hand,” he bowed the best he could while still bound by Penguin’s goon. “And I gladly offer my services.” 

 

Penguin laughed. “I stand corrected, your ego is the bigger than both your gall and balls! And why would I trust you not to stab me in the back, Nygma?” 

 

“You wound me, Oswald, are we not friends?”

 

“Otello thought Iago his friend,” Oswald leaned on his umbrella like a cane. “Give me one reason not to let Freeze ice you where you stand. The infamous Riddler would make a lovely tourist attraction to the Lounge, even the Bat himself might come to see you.”

 

“Commissioner Gordon and that new D.A. Dent have cooked up a scheme together that will melt your iceberg,” the Riddler giggled. 

 

“They dare not attack a sovereign state,” Oswald inspected his nails. “You’re bluffing.”

 

“They can if they dethrone the Penguin Emperor.” Riddler raised his head. “And lucky for me I know their plans, and lucky for you I have a plan to stop them. A favor for a favor.” 

 

“If I find you’re lying to me, I’ll have you put this ridiculous thing back on before I have Freeze here turn you into a Riddler Ice Cube,” he tossed the penguin suit to him using the tip of his umbrella. “Release him.” He nodded to his goons. “And leave us. All of you, even you Mr. Freeze, I would like to alone with my new Advisor.” 

 

XxxxXxxxXxxxXxxxX

 

“And how did this come to be in your hands?” Oswald held the legal document in his hand.

 

“I was casing the police station and found it out in the open on the good Commish’s desk,” Riddler twirled his cane while he sat sideways on Oswald’s ice throne, his long legs hanging over the arm. “I did him a service to take it into my safe keeping.” 

 

“Commissioner Gordon might be a fool but he isn’t stupid.” Oswald paced towards Riddler. “He will surely notice the missive missing.” 

 

“I was sure to knock over a cup of cold coffee on the table before I left,” Riddler knocked his cane on the throne step. “Jimbo will assume the missive lost in the papery ruins.” 

 

Penguin perused the document, the words were ones he knew but the order of them in the sentences made them seem to be in another language. “I am afraid I do not understand legalize, what does all this mean?” He had a legal team for a reason.

 

“What it means is your deal to with the mayor of Gotham is  _ almost  _ as solid as this iceberg we stand on.” Riddler stretched out and looked at Oswald upside down. “What I wouldn’t give to know the riddle of what you have on the good mayor to have him agree to giving the Penguin his own floating Kingdom.” 

 

“You know more than anyone that I cannot divulge the secrets of my patrons, Nygma,” Oswald took out his cigarette holder from his jacket pocket. “The things I could tell you about the good citizens of Gotham would straighten even your hair.” 

 

“But you’re not above some honest blackmail.” 

 

“Of course,” he puffed on his cigarette. “The mayor thought he could renegade on his payments. And the Penguin made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.” He squawked in laughter. 

 

“The Penguin may laugh first but I’m afraid the mayor plans to laugh last,” the Riddler got to his feet. “Take a look at article 12. It should be of interest to you.” 

 

Oswald flipped to the correct page. “What do you mean?” 

 

“What has a ball and chain? A beginning but no ending? And the only escape is death?” The Riddler took Oswald’s cigarette holder from his mouth and gave a puff. 

 

“Marriage? The answer is marriage?” Oswald’s heart skipped a beat. 

 

“Bingo!” Riddler placed the cigarette holder in Oswald’s open mouth. “Article 12 states that the Emperor of Penguinia must be married or forfeit his sovereignty.”

 

“I can’t get married! This is ridiculous.” Oswald choked on his cigarette. 

 

“It wouldn’t have to be for real,” Riddler shrugged. “Just make one of your Pengoonettes an honest lady.” 

 

“I… it’s impossible,” Oswald could not admit the truth. His Pengoonettes were more than bodyguards, they were cover. He couldn’t expect someone like the Riddler to understand that. “I expect you will think I am extremely old fashioned but I was raised to believe one married for love only.”

 

“Then marry for love of being the Emperor Penguin,” the Riddler gestured around the throne room. “Or is it because you’re gay?” He raised one brow. 

 

Oswald nearly bit his holder in half. “Why would you say that?”

 

“Oh, Oswald, you’re very discreet, I’ll give you that,” he put his arm around Oswald’s shoulder. “Too bad the same can’t be said of your lovers.” 

 

“It was you!” Oswald knocked Riddler’s arm off him. “You’re the one that’s been offing my liaisons.” And here he had thought it was Joker the whole time! 

 

“I gave the gentlemen the same chance,” the Riddler leaned on his cane. “If they could answer three riddles from the  _ infamous _ Riddler,” he held up three gloved fingers, “I would let them go.”

 

“Why? I thought we were allies-.” Maybe even friends, if men like them could be friends. 

 

“I had to make sure they were worthy of you, Oswald. Not one made it past the first riddle, really, you could do better. I did you a favor.” 

 

Oswald took a long drag of his cigarette. It wasn’t as though he had loved any of the men, and they had likely held little fondness for him. But it didn’t change the fact that the Riddler had attacked his own. And that was something the Penguin could not forgive. 

 

“I don’t see how it should make a difference,” the Riddler tipped the hat he was not currently wearing on his head. “If you would rather marry a man, marry a man.” 

 

“Surely breaking Gotham law would be terms of breach of contract?” Oswald blew out smoke. 

 

“You are the Emperor Penguin of Penguinia,” the Riddler shrugged. “Change the law.” 

 

“And how would I trust you will not murder the man I choose as my consort?” Oswald pointed his cigarette holder towards Riddler. 

 

“Aha, but you have yet to hear my plan,” the Riddler bowed. “Game shows have become very popular on Gotham televisions and we can use that to find you a husband and gain the support of your neighbor Gothamites.”

 

“They have regulations against murdering people on live television.” 

 

“Have Freeze put the losers on ice,” the Riddler giggled. 

 

“It’s a deal,” he held out his hand. A plot was forming in Oswald’s mind.

 

The Riddler and Penguin shook on it. 

 

XxxxXxxxXxxxXxxxX

 

Penguin removed the blindfold from Riddler’s eyes and stood back. 

 

“What is this?” Nygma pulled at his arms tied behind him. “Why have you brought me here?” 

 

“Why I am only following your advice, Riddler.” Oswald swung the chair around. “Smile and wave to your fans back home. You’re being broadcast to every television in Gotham.” 

 

“What is your game, Penguin?” The Riddler stopped moving.

 

“You know the game I believe, Riddler,” Penguin leaned closer. “Answer three riddles correctly and become my consort and rule beside me, or Freeze here will see that you join the iceberg.” Oswald stood. “Do you accept the terms of the game?” 

 

“Do I have a choice?” Nygma smirked. 

 

“Of course, Mr. Nygma,” Oswald smiled. “If you do not accept you will be allowed to swim back to Gotham.” 

 

“The Riddler could never say no to a challenge,” he held his head up. “Very well, I accept.”

 

“Good!” Penguin clapped his hands together. “Then let the game begin. First riddle: What is born each night and dies each dawn?” 

 

“It is not the moon, nor her stars, nor sleep, nor to dream,” the Riddler grinned. “The answer is hope.” Oswald had not really thought to stump him with the first riddle.

 

“Second riddle: What flickers red and warm like a flame, but is not fire?” He asked the next riddle.

 

“Much too easy, Penguin,” he giggled. “The answer is blood.”

 

“Last riddle: What is ice which gives you fire and which your fire freezes still more?” He asked.

 

“It’s… just give me a moment… I know this,” the Riddler thought. 

 

“Do you concede, Riddler?” Oswald smiled triumphant.

 

“The Riddler has never given up on a riddle,” Nygma closed his eyes. “Give me a clue.” 

 

“The  _ Riddler  _ does not need a clue to answer a simple riddle.” Oswald looked to Freeze standing outside the cameras range. “You have twenty seconds to answer the riddle before I have Freeze turn you into an ice cube.” 

 

“Repeat the riddle,” he tilted his head back. “One more time.” 

 

Oswald gripped the arms of the chair and leaned down. “What is the ice that makes you burn, Nygma?” 

 

“Oswald!” The Riddler’s green eyes snapped open. “The answer is Oswald Cobblepot!” 

 

Oswald held his breath. He had only meant to give the Riddler a taste of his own twisted game. He had not meant for it to go so far. “Is that your final answer, Riddler?” 

 

“Yes. Yours is the ice that makes me burn. I love you Oswald Cobblepot.” The Riddler winked.

 

Oswald held his hand up, Freeze awaited his order. The Riddler had given the wrong answer. And they both  _ knew  _ it. 

 

“The answer is… correct,” Oswald stood back. “Release him.” One of his Pengoons stepped forward to free the Riddler’s hands and legs then wisely got out of the way. “You are free to leave, Nygma. I will not hold you to the terms.” 

 

“The Riddler answered your riddles and he will claim his prize,” he grabbed Oswald and pulled him into a kiss. 

 

And that was the story of how the Emperor Penguin of Penguinia married the Consort Riddler of Penguinia.

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment if you like. 
> 
> The riddles Penguin asks Riddler are from the opera Turandot.
> 
> Only one more prompt to go for Riddlebird Week 2018.. Hopefully I finish before Riddlebird Week 2019!


End file.
